He said also to the one who had invited him, “When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, in case they may invite you in return, and you would be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind. And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you, for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.”
Luke 14: 12-14
“I am sympathetic to cutting the deficit, but I am highly sympathetic to sick and vulnerable people not being subjected to something that will make their lives even more miserable.”
Lord Patel
“We’re all in this together”
George Osborne
Prologue
With the third year anniversary of the signing of the Conservative – Liberal Democrat Coalition Agreement fast approaching, some selected leaders of the CONservative and Liberal DEMocrats Coalition Government aka CONDEMN Coalition gathered together at the Rose Garden of Downing Street to mark the occasion. The theme of this year’s summit was aptly named “The Condemn Summit Against the Poor, the Marginalised, the Infirm and the Vulnerable”. The coalition leaders met to discuss the government’s treatment of the poor, the marginalised , the infirm and the vulnerable (PMIV) and map out strategies to make life more unbearable for the PMIV.
Later that day, while Alatenumo X was on his way to send the video recording of the summit to the government’s Director of Publicity, he accidentally dropped the DVD on the floor. Bipasha Patel, a DJ found the DVD on the floor and put it in her bag. When Bipasha got home, she took the DVD home, inserted it into her computer and realised that the DVD contained the recording of the Condemn Summit Against the PVIM.
The next couple of pages detail the proceedings of the Condemn Summit.
Ahmed Olayinka Sule, CFA
April 2013
Characters
Davido CAMERONGATE, President of Rich Great Britain
Nicholas CLEGGATE, Deputy President of Rich Great Britain
Vincent CABLEGATE, Secretary of Commerce, Rich Great Britain
Boy GEORGE GATE, Minister of Finance, Rich Great Britain
Ian DUNGATE, Secretary of Welfare, Rich Great Britain
and introducing……
SIR. ALTER EGO GATE
Chronological Table
| 6 May 2010 | British General Election takes place |
| 11 May 2010 | David Cameron becomes Britain’s youngest Prime Minister in 198 years. |
| 12 May 2010 | David Cameron and Nick Clegg hold first press conference at Downing Street Rose Garden |
| 23 April 2012 | Tory MP, Nadine Dorries describes David Cameron and George Osborne as: “two arrogant posh boys with no passion to want to understand the lives of others“. |
| 20 July 12 | Louise Casey, warns that the state must start telling mothers with large families to take “responsibility” and stop getting pregnant |
| 19 Sept 2012 | Police allege that Government Chief Whip swore at police officers calling them “plebs” |
| 19 Sept 2012 | Nick Clegg apologies publicly for his parties failed promises |
| 25 Mar 2013 | David Cameron delivers landmark immigration speech, which László Andor of the EU describes as potentially capable of provoking “knee-jerk xenophobia” |
| 01 April 2013 | Welfare reform commences |
| 04 April 2013 | David Cameron says Trident nuclear deterrent is the best insurance policy. |
[After all the leaders are sited on the comfortable leather seat on the lawn of the Rose Garden, President Davido addresses the Condemn Coalition leaders]
DAVIDO: Welcome to today’s summit. Thank God that the sun is out today … we can comfortably brainstorm and discuss the issue of the day. The purpose of today’s gathering is to deliberate on our policies towards the poor, the vulnerable, the infirm and the marginalised (PVIM). We will discuss, the progress we have made so far in making life miserable for these people and discuss strategies for heaping more pain, tears and sorrow on them. However, before we begin, let me introduce Sir Alter Ego Gate. (turning to Alter Ego Gate) Sir Alter Ego, would you like to say something the Condemn Coalition leadership forum?
SIR ALTER EGO: Thank you Mr. President for inviting me to this historic summit. For those who do not know me, my name is Sir Alter Ego Gate. My role in this summit is to express our innermost thoughts and actions. I appreciate that you are politicians and have to be cautious in what you say and do… so no need to worry I will eloquently bring out what is in the subconscious on to the conscious surface.
BOY GEORGE: Thank you Sir Alter Ego. Let us begin the first session by discussing how far we have gone in making life miserable for the poor, the marginalised, the infirm and the vulnerable (PMIV). The Condemn Coalition Government was formed during the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression. The stock market was tanking, unemployment was high, financial institutions were on shaky ground and the government debt was at an historic high. One of our key priorities as a government was to bring down the deficit, which was jeopardising our Triple ‘A’ credit rating…..
VINCENT: (sarcastically) Which has now been downgraded
BOY GEORGE: (ignoring Vincent) So we had to develop a plan to bring down the deficit. To make sure that the public did not regard the Conservative as the ‘Nasty Party’, we had to get the buy-in from our Liberal Democrat colleagues. Once this was achieved, we were ready to talk to the electorate.
NICHOLAS: (smiling) I remember when Davido and I stepped out on the Rose Garden to deliver our first press conference. It was like a partnership made in space. The public fell in love with the Condemn Coalition. We looked sincere…. two men in suits smiling at each other and at the nation.
VINCENT: I don’t see it that way; little did we know that we, the Liberal Democrats were selling our birthright for a pottage of political power. We turned back on all of our electoral promises.
NICHOLAS: But I publicly apologised for the U turn we made on the tuition fees. Boy George, can you put on the DVD showing my apology.
(Boy George puts on the DVD and all watch the video clip showing Nicholas apologising http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUDjRZ30SNo)
DAVIDO: We decided to change the narrative by attributing the over bloated government debt on the excessive welfare bill incurred by the government. The welfare bill constitutes the largest components of government expenditure, so I instructed Boy George and Ian Dungate to trim the welfare bill.
DUNGATE: (with fist clenched) In introducing my welfare reform, I used the age-old principle of hanging a dog to give it a bad name. I painted all those poor people on benefits as scroungers.
SIR ALTER EGO: We are jumping the gun here. When we decided to sort out the deficit, whom did we want to bear the hit of our austerity measures?
BOY GEORGE: Our targets were the poor, the infirm, the elderly, students, immigrants, Negroes, nursing mothers, charities, the unemployed, the bloody plebs and the homeless.
SIR ALTER EGO: in short, anyone that does not look like us, dress like us, talk like us or anyone who does not have our kind of privileged upbringing, will bear the pain.
BOY GEORGE: Absolutely.
DUNGATE: So we set about our Welfare reforms……
VINCENT: Which is not a bad thing, it is only the manner in which it was implemented that was very evil.
DAVIDO: Vincent, I am tired of your ranting. Why are you always defending the PMIV? Are you a Communist in disguise? You are either part of the Condemn Coalition Leadership Forum or not. If you feel the need to always defend the PMIV, then the door is open for you to leave.
BOY GEORGE: As Davido said in an earlier speech: “we need to build a more responsible society”
SIR ALTER EGO: You mean a society where responsibility rests with poor, immigrants, the elderly, the infirm, and the bloody working class while the rich , the powerful and the influential are not required to be responsible.
BOY GEORGE: Yes Sir.
DUNGATE: Britain is a broken society. Our economy is in shambles, our credit rating has been downgraded, government debt is at elevated levels, inflation is creeping in, our infrastructure is failing, Scotland wants independence, our grip on the Falkland Island is being threatened; and what is the cause of all of these woes? The poor people living on benefits; immigrants coming into the country; the disabled people constituting a nuisance to the public; the elderly refusing to die; the students complaining about increase in tuition fees; nursing mothers refusing to go to work and the bloody plebs sitting at home. I could go on and on. Our reforms are not about hurting the poor, but it is about trying to make them richer. When the poor complain, I just laugh. What is the big deal, after all I can even afford to live on £53 a week?
SIR ALTER EGO: Well said Dungate. These people you mentioned make me sick. I hate to have them around me.
VINCENT: That is the most ridiculous statement I have ever heard. Is it the PMIV that caused the financial crisis? Is it the PMIV that caused the government debt to balloon? Is it the PMIV that caused our triple ‘A’ rating to be downgraded? Remember, that prior to the financial crisis, the total public debt was $972 billion in 2006, which was 42.7% of GDP, within five years of the crisis, it jumped to $2 trillion. So who caused the crisis? Was it not partly caused by the loose monetary policies that encouraged the excessive build up of debt? Was it not the government’s bailout of the financial sector? Was it not the insane craze for yield that encouraged financial institutions to develop aggressive securitisation practices? Was it not the light touch regulatory approach towards financial institutions? Was it not the inaccurate credit ratings on many securitised products? Was it not people who over borrowed that caused the financial crisis? Yet you lie to the electorate and heap the blame on the PMIV.
NICHOLAS: I wonder why everyone is attacking our policies. After all, we want what is the best for the country.
BOY GEORGE: As I have said many times before, we are all in this together. We all have to make sacrifices whether rich or poor.
SIR ALTER EGO: All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others.
VINCENT: We may say that we are all in this together, but the reality is that we are not all in this together. The PMIVs are bearing the brunt of the austerity while those responsible for the crisis are still roaming freely on the streets. Davido, while you are ready to go to Europe to defend the mighty, why can’t you show a little compassion towards the PMIV?
SIR ALTER EGO: Vincent, why should he show compassion to the PMIV? They are lazy people who deserve their lot. They drink a lot and they pretend to be poor or sick so that they can milk the system. They are people with low morals. All they need to do is to work hard and be responsible rather than depending on the government for handouts. The PMIV should stop playing the victim. They should stop smoking their cigarettes and stop watching television; they should get up and work. They claim to be poor, yet they smile, have access to the Internet and watch Sky TV. They even have children. As Louis Casey rightly pointed out last year, the government should interfere to prevent mothers that have problematic children from having babies. We should also tell women that it is irresponsible to keep having children when they are already struggling to cope.
VINCENT: So the PMIV do not have the right to have children?
SIR ALTER EGO: Absolutely, they do not have the right to give birth to children. A new class system has been identified by two university dons and left to me only the top four classes on the social ladder should have the right to procreate while the lower classes comprising of the emergent service workers, traditional working class and the precariat should be prevented from having children. After all what is the point of bringing children to the world who will suffer and become a drain on the nations resources. If Britain is to become Great Rich again she would have to do away with the poor, the infirm, the immigrants, the Negroes, the elderly and the homeless and the bloody plebs.
DAVIDO: Sir Alter Ego, that is a radical statement. On this matter, I disagree with you. That is not a nice thing to say and the Condemn Coalition will not stand for such evil principles.
SIR ALTER EGO: I am just saying what is on my mind. How can we make Britain rich if we don’t do away with the poor? How can we make Britain healthy, if we do not do away with the infirm? How can we make Britain white, if we do not do away with the Negroes? How can we make Britain a first class country, if we do not do away with the bloody working class? How can we make Britain British, if we don’t do away with the immigrants especially those Bulgarians and Romanians?
NICHOLAS: Immigration Immigration Immigration!!! It is a pity that Tessie Maygate is not here to talk about our immigration strategy, but I will try to cover our immigration strategy. We are committed to reducing net immigration over the course of the Parliament. We need to be tough on immigration as the influx of immigration is causing a strain on our educational, healthcare, transport and welfare systems. These immigrants are a pain in the backside. They think that they can come here and suck the system dry. They all come over here to live on benefits while hardworking Britons go to work. They all come to Britain and fail to integrate into the society. Many immigrants cannot even speak English.
DAVIDO: This is one area that I am very passionate about. I have given several keynote speeches on immigration since I became President. Migrants are filling gaps in the labour market left wide open by a welfare system that for years has paid British people not to work. That is where the blame lies – at the door of our woeful welfare system and the last government who comprehensively failed to reform it.
DUNGATE: With Bulgaria and Romania soon to join the EU, Britain should expect an influx of immigrants into the country.
SIR ALTER EGO: (looking sick) I can’t bear the thought of Bulgarians and Romanians coming to Britain. We have enough problems with the Negroes and to add the Bulgarians and Romanians to the equation will be disastrous for Britain.
BOY GEORGE: (turning to Davido) When you gave that speech on immigration a couple of days ago, it brought tears to my eyes. I was so proud of you. Never have I felt so proud of my leader. It was the most eloquent speech that I have ever heard on immigration. Not since Enoch Powell’s “ Rivers of Blood” speech has anyone articulated the danger of uncontrolled immigration.
DAVIDO: (smiling at Boy George) Thanks for the complement. I am blushing George. You sure know how to flatter people. I guess this is why you were able to charm Mrs. O to marry you (laughter).
VINCENT: You guys have lost the plot. You are committing what the philosophers call the fallacy of composition. You are asserting that what hold true for a member of a group holds true for the group as a whole. Just because SOME immigrants milk the system, do not work or are involved in criminal activities does not mean that ALL immigrants do the same. A report revealed that EU migrants are only half as likely to claim benefits compared to the general British population. Infact EU migrants constitute 13% of the British work force and only 7% claim out of work benefits and only 5% of non-EU migrants claim benefits. In short, with all due respect Davido, your argument that 40 per cent of migrants claim benefits is porky pies.
SIR ALTER EGO: One positive side effect of our stance on immigration is that it has increased racial tensions in the country. Racism, which has been overt for the past decade is now more expressive. Negro football players are once again racially insulted on the football field while many Negroes are racially attacked on the buses. Anti Semitism is on the rise and Britain is gradually becoming a more intolerant society. The other day I read about some English fans chanting that Rio Ferdinand and his brother should be burnt alive.
VINCENT: But it is also damaging our economy. Immigrants contribute positively to our economy and we are seeing the sharpest brains from the emerging world heading to America instead of Britain. Your claim that these EU migrants will milk the system is unfounded. When the Poles were admitted into the EU, the same fear was voiced out. Yet the when the Poles came, they worked hard and did jobs that many Brits would not do.
DAVIDO: Contrary to the belief that our immigration policy is racist, I beg to disagree. It is not racist. Britain is open to people of all colours and creed.
SIR ALTER EGO: What Davido is trying to say is that as long as they have a fat bank account, this country is open to such immigrants, however if they do not have money then the doors will be shut. That is what we mean by good immigration and bad immigration. We don’t mind having rich Africans or Indians coming into the country, but we do not want those bloody poor Bulgarians and Romanians into this country even if they are white. We would prefer to open the door of this country to a Pol Pot with money and close to door to a Mother Theresa without money….. that is our immigration policy in a nutshell.
DAVIDO: When I went to India, I expressed regret for our colonial past as I thought this apology would improve trade ties with India and win us the contract to supply the Indian Government with the Typhoon Fighter. I also advocated for a fast track visa regime for rich Indian businessmen and women. However, I remained silent on granting Indian students visa to the country, as they do not have loads of money. To show how sincere I was, I had to humble myself and play cricket with some youngsters. It was very embarrassing getting bowled out by a twelve-year-old girl. However if that is the price to bring in rich immigrants to the country, so be it.
SIR ALTER EGO: In short, we do not see black, white, brown or yellow; what we see is € , £ and $.
NICHOLAS: We have debated about our policies against the poor and the immigrants. What have you got to say about our treatment of the infirm and people living with disabilities.
SIR ALTER EGO: I think so far so good. We have been able to show how callous and cold-blooded we can be. In justifying our welfare reforms, we have highlighted to the general public a couple of instances in which people living with disabilities have tried to milk the system. Just as we have fueled an increase in intolerance towards people of other races, we have also played a key role increasing the societies intolerance towards the disabled. By painting them as lazy, fraudsters and pretending to be disabled, we are succeeding in turning the society against them.
NICHOLAS: The Paralympics almost changed the societies attitude towards the disabled, but alas once the euphoria of the Paralympics was over, the society was able to align with our narrative of the infirm.
DUNGATE: I really felt a sense of accomplishment when my department came up with a novel idea to ensure that cancer patients on chemotherapy in hospitals take part in a work capability assessment to confirm if they are still entitled to collect disability allowance. (looking sad) Unfortunately, it was voted down in the House of Lords.
SIR ALTER EGO: So in short, our strategy is to introduce austerity, but let the PMIV bear the brunt of the pain. To achieve this, we over exaggerate the misdeeds of a few PMIV people while downplaying the misdeeds of the rich, the powerful and the influential. We will continue to label the PMIV as immoral, lazy and evil….
BOY GEORGE: Like I did a few days ago when I suggested that the actions of Mick Philpott who burnt his six children was a reflection of the broken welfare system.
DUNGATE: Boy George, I was really impressed with what you said. Only you could come up with such a well thought argument. You are a very intelligent man.
SIR ALTER EGO: (applauding) Boy George that was a masterstroke. In that statement, you have engraved in the mind of many British people the link between Philpott’s evil action and the Welfare system. This should help sell our welfare reform as people who were initially hostile to the idea will think of Philpott’s action and then support our reforms. Perhaps, we can even go further. Why stop at Mick Philpott? We can demonstrate that Robert Mugabe’s action is a reflection of our broken immigration system that allows Negroes into the country and we can demonstrate that Oscar Pistorious action is a reflection of our current system, which allows people living with disabilities to be irresponsible.
VINCENT: (shaking his head) What you are doing is very dangerous. You are setting a bad precedent. You are using the time tested divide and rule tactics by setting up rich against poor, black against white, Brits against immigrants, employed against unemployed, abled against disabled, healthy against infirm, young against old and home owners against the homeless. Our society cannot survive in this kind of divided environment.
SIR ALTER EGO: (standing up and pointing his finger towards Vincent) You just don’t get it. The poor, the marginalised, the Negroes, the immigrants, the unemployed, the homeless, the bloody plebs and the youth are not human. They should be treated as animals. We hope to stripe them of all form of dignity. If we can succeed in dehumanising them in the public arena, it makes our job easier. The general public will be happy with us and it will improve our chances of getting reelected in 2015. Infact a spokesman for the British National Party stated that we are stealing their policies. Let me quote him: “It’s cynical opportunism, isn’t it? It’s almost like a ceremonial adoption of our policy”
DAVIDO: What gets my blood boiling is when I hear the charities and especially the churches coming to the defence of the PMIV. Imagine a couple of days ago a coalition of churches comprising of the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, Church of Scotland and the United Reformed Church published a report titled:
The Lies We Tell Ourselves: Ending Comfortable Myths About Poverty ….. How dare they come up thing such thrash?
SIR ALTER EGO: Do not worry. After all, we are the government, we are in power. We will make life difficult for Christians. We will promulgate laws that will put Christians in the uncomfortable position of having to choose between obeying God and obeying the Condemn Coalition Government and if they choose the former, I will gladly throw many Christians into prison.
DAVIDO: Okay guys, we are running out of time. Where do we go from here? What other obstacles do we need to put in the way of the PVIM or have we already done enough damage?
NICHOLAS: Well I guess we have put the structures to keep the PMIV in a perpetual state of despair. Hopefully, they will never recover.
DUNGATE: I agree with Nicholas.
BOY GEORGE: Same here.
SIR ALTER EGO: Why are you guys afraid to inflict more pain. We have not done enough. I think we should go to the next stage, which is sterilisation. We need to stop the poor, the marginalised, the infirm and the vulnerable from breeding. That will be the final solution. Once this is done, Britain will be rich great again, the government debt will reduce and we will get our triple ‘A’ rating back.
DAVIDO: Sir Alter Ego, your suggestions are too extreme. As President of Rich Great Britain, I will not allow that under my watch. I need to point out that while we keep the PVIM in despair, let us not forget that we are here not only to debase the PMIV, but also to protect the interest of the rich, the powerful and the influential. You are all aware of the strides I have made to ensure that EU regulations do not negatively impact our greatest export. I have also tried to lobby to get lucrative defence contracts for some of our defence champions so that they can export their products to autocratic regimes that could use such products to blow their opponents to pieces. A few days ago, I called for the development of a new nuclear deterrent system to replace Trident.
VINCENT: But here you are talking about cuts to the PVIM, yet you are suggesting we replace Trident?
BOY GEORGE: Are you blind Vincent? Can’t you see the evolving threat from Iran and North Korea?
DAVIDO: Well that is all for this historic summit. I will give Vincent the honour of giving the closing statement.
VINCENT: (clears his throat and puts on his glasses) We have had a lengthy discussion today and I am grateful to President Davido for letting me have the final say. I agree that the welfare bill is excessively high and that steps need to be taken to control it, I also agree that some immigration reform is necessary, I also agree that steps need to be put in place to reduce the government debt as the current rate of government expenditure is unsustainable . Where I disagree with you is with regards to the approach that you are taking to meet these challenges. As the saying goes, you cannot use a sledgehammer to crack a nut. Boy George loves to say, we are all in this together…. but is this really the case? The Condemn Coalition’s approach towards the PMIV is insane at best and monstrous at worst.
Boy George may say: “we are discussing economics and you are discussing morality”, but you need to realise that I am an economist and as a student of the history of economics, I learnt that the founding father of economics was a strong believer in morality. In short morality and economics are not mutually exclusive concepts. The PMIV are all God’s creation and should therefore be treated as human beings. As Jesus Christ once said: “Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me”
I have to make a confession, the Condemn Coalition has lost its soul. We have also lost base with the PMIV segment of the British society. Perhaps our colleague Nadine Dorries was right when she described some of us as: “arrogant posh boys with no passion to want to understand the lives of others.” We need to climb down our so-called upper class social ladder in order to see the reality of the people on ground. When we do that we will stop making sweeping generalisations about the PMIV.
I will end by quoting Martin Luther King who said: “all life is interrelated, that somehow we’re caught in an inescapable network of mutuality tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. For some strange reason, I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.”
[Silence]
SELAH
© Ahmed Sule 2013
THE ALATENUMO 